SCARED…SHOULD I BE?

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I just spent 45 minutes staring at a blinking line on my computer wanting something, anything, to come out, but I’m filled to the brim with emotion and unable to pour it out onto a page.

But, I’ve learned a lot about myself lately, and I can tell you that it’s fear that is holding me here staring at a blank page.

If there is something else that I am learning in a real and deep way recently it’s this: When life is scary it’s easier to hide.

It’s easier when faced with the choice of having to talk to people you haven’t talked to in a long time about why you went silent I may say, to avoid it and hide.

It’s easier to not go to places where you might run into people and be forced to talk about what your life is like, while trying to put on your best “I’m fine” face when you’re crumbling underneath.

It’s easier to stay in the shadows, isolate yourself, because talking about how you’re a complex human being, full of light and dark, just seems like too much. Too exhausting. Too scary. Too shameful.

It’s easier but it’s not better.

You know what is better? Vulnerability.

There is a lot to unpack when you talk about vulnerability and it feels so counterintuitive to everything we are taught about how to survive in the world. All you have to do is go to Maasai Mara and watch some unsuspecting antelope meet its end at the merciless hands of a prowling lion (Or tiger or hyena or cheetah. I mean are antelopes at the bottom of the food chain here? Goodness.) to know that being vulnerable is seen as a liability not an asset.

It’s funny though, isn’t it? Maybe sad is a more appropriate word here. In hiding what we’re essentially doing is trying to protect ourselves, because life is scary!

01-scared-health-benefits-openerYou can put your heart out there and get burned. You can lose your job. You can get cancer. Someone you love can get in a car accident or make destructive choices or know just the right words to use that will send you spiraling either into a fit of rage and an abyss of sadness. Sometimes you can even hurt yourself.

And so, we protect ourselves from rejection, sadness, grief, and other emotions that cause us pain. We do this because we think in moving away from vulnerability we are making ourselves strong. Nothing can hurt us if we make ourselves strong. Strength is a highly valued attribute in our culture. While, I won’t argue that it’s a valuable attribute, I will argue that what makes someone strong isn’t their ability to not be emotional.

Joy,fulfillment,creativity,belonging,love.They all happen, truly happen, when you risk. Vulnerability requires risk, but we are all familiar with the idiom that with great risk comes great reward.

Friends, being vulnerable is one of the strongest things you can do with your life. And the reality is that it is the gateway to meaningful connection. Something every one of us desires.

I’m by no means perfect at it. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of my life hiding behind lies and not reaching out for help a long time ago when I really needed it. I still need the help. I’m not there, yet, but I believe that the weird, awkward, scary, sometimes (basically always) uncomfortable, even painful feelings that come with being vulnerable and being truthful, letting down your walls and being real with who you are, all the light and dark that exists within each one of us, is always better.

Without it we cannot experience the deepest desires of hearts to be loved, to be known, and to belong.

images of love (31)Yes, life is scary, but don’t hide! Be vulnerable and discover that in this counterintuitive act of leaving yourself exposed you find you make room for the best parts of life. Especially love.

This is all say though ,your life,your choice.I leave you with this quote below.

“Sometime you have to stop being scared and just go for it.Either it will work out or it won’t.That’s life.” From livelifehappy.com

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TIME IS FAIR ,YES?

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I’ve read an article today and I knew how many of us could relate, about a graceful woman who was already about to get married but later on found out that she’s ill. Before reading her story, I watched the video of her boyfriend’s proposal at the mountaintop.

It was a little bit different than what I had expected. Except that the girl cried before saying yes, which is quite common, I couldn’t help but laugh watching her laughing really hard as her boyfriend started showing her the ring and popping out the big question.

It was one of the most genuine reactions I’ve ever seen in videos during wedding proposals. The girl actually thought they’re there for the pre-nuptial shoot. She did not expect a wedding proposal from her boyfriend anymore. For whatever reason, I don’t know.

She cared less about the cameras rolling while she was laughing at him in disbelief. Pure joy. Mixed emotions, I can tell. She started crying probably after everything sinking in already, hugging him for a few minutes. Not uttering a word. Then he asked her if she’d marry him. And of course, she said yes!

It was a good video, a little touching until I read the caption. It had a link to an article about this girl’s story.
The author is the girl’s close friend. In the story, the author described how this girl made their lives better by just being in it. She seemed to be a very good friend and has a very outgoing personality. The video was a proof to me. I don’t judge, but you know when people are showing their real selves or not. So to make the author’s long story short, the girl was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks after she got engaged. She became very ill but still remained very positive. She stayed strong for her fiance. What hit me hard was the part when she was already at a very severe condition, she texted her friends. Telling them to be there for her fiance. To help him get through it. That she knew she’ll go any day and she’s so afraid for him. That it pains her a lot seeing him crying endlessly.
Then one day, she passed away. She broke everyone’s heart. She would’ve stayed if only she had an option to. But she did not. It was all fate. And now all that’s left is her memory in the hearts of those who love her.

Young woman fed up with the nonsense

 

I read it and the video was no longer a little touching for me. It was heartbreaking.

It’s unimaginable. When you’re already at your happiest when suddenly something crashes it down. You get caught between hoping to pick up the pieces, put it all back together but you know you can’t and having to pretend you don’t wanna pick the pieces up anymore..that you’re ready, because really, deep inside, you know you’re not.
After reading a bit of her story, it made me think about how things can change in just a blink of an eye. How we can instantly lose anyone we love. That we only have ‘NOW’. Because yesterday’s gone, and tomorrow’s not certain.
We only have one life. Short life to live.

Life is too short to be cruel, to be selfish, to hide emotions, to envy, to forbid forgiveness , to be too afraid to love too much, to put off what we can do today for tomorrow.

Because really, tomorrow may not come. Or it may, but it might be too late to do the things we’ve always wanted to do just because we’re too afraid.
We struggle each day to live the best life we can possibly live but because we’re too focused with the struggle, we forget that the goal is to just live the best way possible.

We know we don’t have all the time in the world but we waste it painfully. And most of the time, we’re aware what we’re doing all along but we just do the same things and still complaining about the same results over and over.

We all do things not knowing what we actually are doing but that is life .Time doesn’t allow you to always fix it but it allows you to move passed it. That’s time and I believe that’s fair enough.

 

Can One Overlook Eternal Life With Medicine?

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The fact cannot be overlooked that we are in the midst of a sociological crisis of orientation on the grand scale. New problems and needs have become insistent, new fears and longings have come to light. Many are looking for a new foothold, a fundamental certainty, a compass for their life and the life of other human beings. The inconsistencies and ambivalence of the phenomena cannot conceal the fact that religion is attracting greater attention: the old religion and many new ones, the Christian religion as well as the Islamic, Hindu, and Buddhist religions.

In East and West anyway the God Progress seems to have lost rapidly something of its credibility; belief in a continually better life with the aid of science and technology and also through revolution and socialism has been shaken by serious doubts. And, while the elderly have not been able with all the aids of psychology  to come to terms with the meaning of death, younger people  supposedly a “no future” generation, apathetic, noncommittal, nervous, and self-destructive are asking afresh about the missing sense of life.

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Meanwhile, though science did the most in the last century to destroy belief in immortality and made stupendous efforts to prolong life, it is medicine today that has broken through the taboos in regard to death and with its research into dying has given new life to the question of death and survival. But has medicine or perhaps parapsychology proved that there is life after death?I am trying to say we found a way to cheat death,long ago even the smallest of colds could make you meet your end.So to say could medicine be eternal life itself? surely its a point that shouldn’t be over-looked.

Quote of the day:Medicine knows no limits, especially not its own. ‘Gerhard Koch

Legalization Of Gay Marriage.

Olarbatak your blogger here,do understand I only write on occasions so don’t be offended by my absence.

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The image above illustrates the first human beings brought into this world,I ask myself if we could blame the same people for leading us into a life of sin.I could debate on that but religious reasons should be left aside.It is a sin but not everyone believes in God ,Allah or whoever you worship.I will try explain why this legalization is absurd.

I could start by saying that that the legalization was based on politics and corruption,United States are in debt.My research says by the end of 2016 they will be in debt of 16 trillion in total!How does Gay marriage come in?population growth.They can’t feed there people leave alone provide jobs yet they are placed as a first class country?As you will see in the years to come the population of the U.S.A will have a great decrease.You still think it’s right?

Same-sex marriage is not marriage. Calling something marriage does not make it marriage. Marriage has always been a covenant between a man and a woman which is by its nature ordered toward the procreation and education of children and the unity and well being of the spouses.

The promoters of same-sex “marriage” propose something entirely different. They propose the union between two men or two women. This denies the self-evident biological, physiological, and psychological differences between men and women which find their complementarity in marriage. It also denies the specific primary purpose of marriage: the perpetuation of the human race and the raising of children.

Two entirely different things cannot be considered the same thing.

Such people can’t have a child of their own leading to adoption ,this might be a good thing to some but It is in the child’s best interests that he be raised under the influence of his natural father and mother. This rule is confirmed by the evident difficulties faced by the many children who are orphans or are raised by a single parent, a relative, or a foster parent.

The unfortunate situation of these children will be the norm for all children of a same-sex “marriage.” A child of a same-sex “marriage” will always be deprived of either his natural mother or father. He will necessarily be raised by one party who has no blood relationship with him. He will always be deprived of either a mother or a father role model.

Same-sex “marriage” ignores a child’s best interests.

Traditional marriage is usually so fecund that those who would frustrate its end must do violence to nature to prevent the birth of children by using contraception. It naturally tends to create families.

On the contrary, same-sex “marriage” is intrinsically sterile. If the “spouses” want a child, they must circumvent nature by costly and artificial means or employ surrogates. The natural tendency of such a union is not to create families.
Therefore, we cannot call a same-sex union marriage and give it the benefits of true marriage.

It Does Not Create a Family but a Naturally Sterile Union

Those who are anti-gay marriage could be accused of a hate crime,you don’t see people who are “anti-straight” being accused of hate crime.

There is no evidence of majority support for this measure, even in the gay community. In an article in the Daily Mail, the well known columnist Andrew Pierce writes that he is a gay man who opposes gay marriage. Alan Duncan, the International Development Minister, who is in a civil partnership, is implacably opposed to gay marriage. David Starkey, the openly gay historian, is also opposed to the concept of gay marriage. The Labour MP Ben Bradshaw, who was the first Cabinet Minister to enter into a civil partnership, has openly criticised the idea of gay marriage, saying that the move to smash centuries of church teaching is “pure politics” and not wanted by the gay community, which has already won equality through civil partnerships.

Not even gay people support gay marriage.

I can go on and on but i will leave you to this,if our future kids grow up with the mind of “love is love” they would start looking at there siblings differently.This is where it’s leading us to.If 85% of our population become gay we are talking about possible extinction.Yes,we shouldn’t judge others based on there sexuality but rather based on the downfall of this world.

Quote of the day:One man,one woman,two children,a population” ‘unknown’

S A N I T Y

W I L D C H I L D

Hello World!

Lately I’ve been longing for peace of mind, really just trying to FOCUS ON MY SANITY. Might get a little bit deep so brace yourselves. Having been a struggling child, interacting with people was not my forte. Since then and even now, people tend to mistake this habit by insinuating that I’m proud or rather a snob. The WILDCHILD suffers from mental slavery, that’s no hidden fact, but how does she deal with this?

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1. POSITIVE ENERGY

I’m surrounded by positive people, that encourage me to believe in myself whether I like it or not, there’s no need of naming names like Akinyi and Pazzo hehe! Simply create a positive circle, avoid negativity, ok yes, it’s around us but you can clear your mind of it.

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2.MAKING MISTAKES

Create your own world, explore, make mistakes, fall, bleed, break and after all this, you’ll become a better you, HECK!…

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Being Real.

I advice you to listen to this mix as you read,its really relaxing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV5IVTM-_U0

It’s been what I consider a long while since I last posted here; almost 10 days! When I stopped feeling guilty, lazy, or like I was letting people down, I realised that that’s ok. I’ve really missed writing, but when life takes over, or when the blogs is not calling me, I can’t force it. So this post is dedicated to being true, and thank you to those still reading.

It’s important for me to share today because sometimes the most uncomfortable things are the things which will help us most. This is a continuation of my previous writing.Healing from break-up means looking at the  pain and acknowledging it, as well as being positive and striving to move beyond it.

Today I’m back on the topic of congruence; being authentic; letting who you are inside, be the person you show to the world. It’s the one concept from my recent events which has stuck with me deeply (in fact my last post was inspired from what has been happening), so I’m here again looking at how congruence is so relevant to being in and out of a relationship.

When my ex told me that she was leaving me to “follow her truth”, I didn’t buy it, in fact, I never took it friendly. Because the irony was that her being true to herself, involved deception and betrayal on a huge scale. Whether or not she found her truth is irrelevant, I discovered, because over the months, with the gift that she gave me in leaving, I began to find mine.

My past, since childhood, had always been a mixture of fear and confusion about who I was and what I needed. I didn’t know I was in pain at the time; it was all I knew. I grew up, thinking I could leave all the old baggage behind, undealt with. I thought I was safe in my relationship, and because safety, commitment and a life of simple pleasures were all I thought I needed, I neglected the parts of me that were crying out for more.

I allowed myself to be treated appallingly through my relationship, but I didn’t know it  or at least admit it at the time. It sounds unreal to say now, but I just didn’t know I was worth more. And the more I held on to the relationship, thinking I could change it to make me happy, the more of myself I lost. I don’t recognise a lot of me, and how I behaved, back then.

Since my break-up, and especially more recently since my recent events, I have delved, explored, exposed and faced up to lots of different aspects of myself. I have always known that being submissive or manipulative to get my needs met was not OK; but now I know why I did it. Sometimes when nothing is given to you, you have to ask for it the only way you know how. I’ve since learned that it is actually OK to have needs and express them, a novelty for me.

The biggest learning ground in congruence for me has been in my what I call ‘friend relationship’. The work it takes to be emotionally attached to but just a friend is phenomenal, but ultimately blissful. I have never felt more myself with another person, than I do with my friend right now. Recently I overcame a huge hurdle of my own discomfort, to talk to her about something very important to me. I feel such happiness in my ability to be truthful with a person I trust. Allowing trust and vulnerability with someone again after break-up, was the biggest gift I could have given myself. I’ve learned that I don’t have to change who I am in order to be loved. I’m valued and respected. What I give is not dismissed, or told it’s not wanted in this break-up. In fact the more I give unconditionally, the more I seem to get in return.

Healing requires looking within, often to emotions which have been buried; being real means being willing to look at those parts of yourself that might make you uncomfortable, but not judging yourself for having them. Because it’s only with awareness of those aspects  that we can change if we choose to. I will always be a work in progress and I no longer strive to be perfect.

Writing this post has been a challenge, because I’m sharing things that have hurt me, and that makes me vulnerable. I also deeply shy away from feeling like a victim, which is why I feel far more comfortable writing about my positive experiences and breakthroughs. But all of it is who I am, and this is what I’m called to write today. I hope this will reach someone who needs it.  I love my life, and am grateful today that the end of my relationship gave me the opportunity to become who I’m really supposed to be.I end this chapter in my life to start many more,don’t try bury the past,live through it.

Quote of the day :-We are most alive when we’re in love.” — John Updike

To Heal A Broken Heart.

Young woman fed up with the nonsense coming out of her boyfriend's mouth as he's trying to explain

Much like pieces of flotsam, our thoughts and emotions float all over the place, skimming, attaching and detaching from experiences, things and people. For a while, we connect with something or someone, becoming dependent on each other for happiness and peace of mind. Our entire world is encompassed by that new connect and we give it the name of romance or love.Every waking thought focuses on the person we thus connect to, every emotion cries out to be shared, and every moment seeks that special connect. The happier the moments shared, the stronger becomes the bond and dependence. We sugarcoat and push to the bottom a lot of reality we would rather not deal with. In most relationships, we are living an illusion, choosing to skim over the soother bits till reality strikes forcefully. As with the original umbilical cord, the time comes to be separated. We have fed enough on our experience with that person and both must move on in our individual journeys. This may or may not signify the end of a relationship, but it surely spells a tectonic shift. One moves on. Almost always this is not a conscious decision, but imposed and painful, as all separations are. However, the experience always leaves us wiser and richer  either because of the positivity it gave us, or the way its negativity strengthened us. And so, for a while, you get thrown out into the cold, till you gather yourself again and the healing begins. Soon you are ready to dive back into life again with renewed vigor and determination. However, what happens if a person gets stuck in that in-between stage, unable to overcome the pain  as happens so often?

Rima Sharma (name changed) is one such person who I know, unable to comprehend the ending of what she describes as a beautiful and deep relationship. She is particularly upset because the man she was involved with started another relationship while they were still together. It is to Rima that I took time to write this article. How nice it would be if she could control her memories and emotions and pull herself out of the painful situation. It is possible if she understands that emotions can be anchored and controlled. But how do you mend what you consider your broken heart?

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Well, to begin with, it is important to understand that the heart never gets broken; it may get chipped, but most often the chip you are dealing with is on your shoulder. It is your ego that takes a beating; it is betrayal of faith that you cannot handle, an attachment to the happy memories that refuse to let go. You grab at straws that have floated away. You demean yourself and then all at once, one small incident serves to wipe away the thin film of illusion that covers the reality underneath and all the crap comes tumbling out. You have finally faced reality and are ready to push aside the pain and move on. The secret then to moving on is to focus on what was always wrong with the relationship, rather than what was good about it. It was bad for you, so it broke; relationships that are good for us seldom break in this manner.

Once you understand this, it’s easy to bid a final goodbye  because deep within, you always knew how the land lay! And now, rid of the negativities, you realize all the good stuff you were blocking from your life by focusing on a vampire relationship that took more than it gave. The rest of the tricks to moving on are known to all–immerse yourself in work and hobbies; hang out with friends; count your blessings; list the things and people important to your well-being; boost your morale, and re-energize yourself by looking your best, walking your tallest and acting your most confident. Forgive the one who betrayed you, but do not forget the betrayal. Give up on the relationship but never give up on love.

Quote of the day“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel