Being Real.

I advice you to listen to this mix as you read,its really relaxing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xV5IVTM-_U0

It’s been what I consider a long while since I last posted here; almost 10 days! When I stopped feeling guilty, lazy, or like I was letting people down, I realised that that’s ok. I’ve really missed writing, but when life takes over, or when the blogs is not calling me, I can’t force it. So this post is dedicated to being true, and thank you to those still reading.

It’s important for me to share today because sometimes the most uncomfortable things are the things which will help us most. This is a continuation of my previous writing.Healing from break-up means looking at the  pain and acknowledging it, as well as being positive and striving to move beyond it.

Today I’m back on the topic of congruence; being authentic; letting who you are inside, be the person you show to the world. It’s the one concept from my recent events which has stuck with me deeply (in fact my last post was inspired from what has been happening), so I’m here again looking at how congruence is so relevant to being in and out of a relationship.

When my ex told me that she was leaving me to “follow her truth”, I didn’t buy it, in fact, I never took it friendly. Because the irony was that her being true to herself, involved deception and betrayal on a huge scale. Whether or not she found her truth is irrelevant, I discovered, because over the months, with the gift that she gave me in leaving, I began to find mine.

My past, since childhood, had always been a mixture of fear and confusion about who I was and what I needed. I didn’t know I was in pain at the time; it was all I knew. I grew up, thinking I could leave all the old baggage behind, undealt with. I thought I was safe in my relationship, and because safety, commitment and a life of simple pleasures were all I thought I needed, I neglected the parts of me that were crying out for more.

I allowed myself to be treated appallingly through my relationship, but I didn’t know it  or at least admit it at the time. It sounds unreal to say now, but I just didn’t know I was worth more. And the more I held on to the relationship, thinking I could change it to make me happy, the more of myself I lost. I don’t recognise a lot of me, and how I behaved, back then.

Since my break-up, and especially more recently since my recent events, I have delved, explored, exposed and faced up to lots of different aspects of myself. I have always known that being submissive or manipulative to get my needs met was not OK; but now I know why I did it. Sometimes when nothing is given to you, you have to ask for it the only way you know how. I’ve since learned that it is actually OK to have needs and express them, a novelty for me.

The biggest learning ground in congruence for me has been in my what I call ‘friend relationship’. The work it takes to be emotionally attached to but just a friend is phenomenal, but ultimately blissful. I have never felt more myself with another person, than I do with my friend right now. Recently I overcame a huge hurdle of my own discomfort, to talk to her about something very important to me. I feel such happiness in my ability to be truthful with a person I trust. Allowing trust and vulnerability with someone again after break-up, was the biggest gift I could have given myself. I’ve learned that I don’t have to change who I am in order to be loved. I’m valued and respected. What I give is not dismissed, or told it’s not wanted in this break-up. In fact the more I give unconditionally, the more I seem to get in return.

Healing requires looking within, often to emotions which have been buried; being real means being willing to look at those parts of yourself that might make you uncomfortable, but not judging yourself for having them. Because it’s only with awareness of those aspects  that we can change if we choose to. I will always be a work in progress and I no longer strive to be perfect.

Writing this post has been a challenge, because I’m sharing things that have hurt me, and that makes me vulnerable. I also deeply shy away from feeling like a victim, which is why I feel far more comfortable writing about my positive experiences and breakthroughs. But all of it is who I am, and this is what I’m called to write today. I hope this will reach someone who needs it.  I love my life, and am grateful today that the end of my relationship gave me the opportunity to become who I’m really supposed to be.I end this chapter in my life to start many more,don’t try bury the past,live through it.

Quote of the day :-We are most alive when we’re in love.” — John Updike

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